Archive for 2021

Except for the Knives… But They Fall Off

Jerry Seinfeld: Bees have the only perfect society on Earth. They have no crime, they have no drugs, they have no rape… A little rape, but it’s not that bad.


My Bulge Is Showing

Pamela Anderson: When we were at the Playboy mansion my children said, ‘Do you know Uncle Hef takes pictures of naked girls?’ I said, ‘Oh my god, let’s get out of here!’


Dude, Stop Doing Drugs

Sly Stallone: The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can’t change. After I die, I’ll probably come back as a paintbrush.

Overheard by: whipper stripper

Same with Ninety-One-Year Olds

Johnny Depp: When kids hit one year old, it’s like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit…

Overheard by: testify