It’s About Damned Time

George Bush, asked if he could speak French: No, I can’t. I can barely speak English.


Dude, Just Stop Saying Words

Dog the Bounty Hunter: … And I used to say, ‘I’m black, too.’ I felt like I could embrace — or as brothers, or as a black woman — say the N‑word.

–Hannity & Colmes

Overheard by: Irk

… And Tell Mom and Dad on Him

Paula Abdul, about her new boyfriend: If things go well and we get married, I’m going to be smart this time and I’m going to have him sign a pre-nup, and if we get divorced, I’ll get half his allowance.

–The View

Overheard by: u‑g-l‑y you ain’t got no alibi

They’re Touchy Down Under

Nicole Kidman on learning how to castrate bulls: I don’t know if I’ll have to do that, but it’s best to be prepared.