C‑­to-the-H-to-the-R-I-S‑T: Bitch, You Tri­flin’

Fer­gie: I may not have the type of voice you like, but I can sing. You can’t take that away from me, ’cause singing is a gift from God, and when peo­ple say I can’t sing, it’s kind of like in­sult­ing God.

–http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7005536483

Ex­cept for the Knives… But They Fall Off

Jer­ry Se­in­feld: Bees have the on­ly per­fect so­ci­ety on Earth. They have no crime, they have no drugs, they have no rape… A lit­tle rape, but it’s not that bad.

–http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/r_m/2007/06/21/2007–06-21_jerry_does_some_hive_talkin.html

Dude, Stop Do­ing Drugs

Sly Stal­lone: The on­ly hap­py artist is a dead artist, be­cause on­ly then you can’t change. Af­ter I die, I’ll prob­a­bly come back as a paint­brush.

Over­heard by: whip­per strip­per

My Bulge Is Show­ing

Pamela An­der­son: When we were at the Play­boy man­sion my chil­dren said, ‘Do you know Un­cle Hef takes pic­tures of naked girls?’ I said, ‘Oh my god, let’s get out of here!’

–http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/the%20things%20they%20say%204230_1024263